humor

Book Review- Starship Grifters by Robert Kroese

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Starship Grifters is a mix of Slanted Jack, Zaphod Beeblebrox, and Mort from Discworld. This book takes you on a hilarious, fast-paced adventure as a scam artist skips from one crisis and scam to another always staying one step ahead of disaster. The pop culture references and double entendres are skillfully woven into a great story you won’t want to put down. Rex Nihilo and his hilarious adventure left me wanting more. I find that humor in fiction is hard to write and there are very few books touted as humorous that can get me to laugh out loud thus garnering strange looks from people around me.  This book is one … More after the Jump…

Glossary of Modern Military Terms

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Engage the Enemy means “to blow something up.”
Surgical Strike means “to blow up something small.”
Decapitate means “to blow up their leaders.”
Collateral Damage means “to accidentally blow up something of theirs.”
Friendly Fire means “to accidentally blow up something of ours.”
Target of Opportunity means “to blow something up on a whim”
Kinetic Targeting means “to blow up something that’s moving”
Ordnance is “something that that does the blowing up”
An Asset is “something that can be blown up”
Embedded Media means “a report that’s blown out of proportion”

 

One Smart Private

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As a platoon of trainees stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant walked up and said, “All right! All you retards fall out.”
As the rest of the platoon wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Sergeant walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh, Drill Sergeant?”

The Difference between Officers and NCO’s

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A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are racking out in the field for
the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, “When you see all the
stars in the sky, what do you think, LT?”

The LT replies, “Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can’t help but wonder
if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do
you think of, Sergeant?”

“I think somebody stole the freakin’ tent.”

Irony

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Got this in an email from my Dad.  Funny and sad at the same time.

A Lesson  in Irony.

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture,  is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps  ever.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service,  administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us to “Please Do Not  Feed the Animals.”
Their stated reason for the policy is because  the animals will grow dependent  on handouts and will not learn to take  care of themselves.

This ends today’s lesson.

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Awesome Quote:

What do you call it when someone steals someone else’s money secretly? Theft. What do you call it when someone takes someone else’s money openly by force? Robbery. What do you call it when a politician takes someone else’s money in taxes and gives it to someone who is more likely to vote for him? Social Justice.

Thomas Sowell – 27 Dec 2011 – Jewish World Review

Blitzkrieg and Other Funnies

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I saw these posters several years ago at a site I can no longer remember and saw them again today in my random pictures folder.  As graphic design college students know, sometimes the words that accompany images can make them more humorous. I think they are hilarious so I decided to share them.  They no doubt exist in many other places on the intertubes as well. If anyone knows where to attribute these please let me know in the comments, a sense of humor like this needs to be encouraged.

Oompa Loompa in My Garden

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As my wife and I were harvesting the carrots from our garden yesterday we pulled up an Oompa Loompa. I am wondering if I should use this as my profile picture. The Oompa Loompa Song This is just a picture of my dog enjoying a beef rib bone

Gotta Love the Onion

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This was one of the headline stories on the Onion today: Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What’s Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions. Hilarious, Just Hilarious