Glossary of Modern Military Terms

Engage the Enemy means “to blow something up.”
Surgical Strike means “to blow up something small.”
Decapitate means “to blow up their leaders.”
Collateral Damage means “to accidentally blow up something of theirs.”
Friendly Fire means “to accidentally blow up something of ours.”
Target of Opportunity means “to blow something up on a whim”
Kinetic Targeting means “to blow up something that’s moving”
Ordnance is “something that that does the blowing up”
An Asset is “something that can be blown up”
Embedded Media means “a report that’s blown out of proportion”


One Smart Private

As a platoon of trainees stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant walked up and said, “All right! All you retards fall out.”
As the rest of the platoon wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Sergeant walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh, Drill Sergeant?”

The Difference between Officers and NCO’s

A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are racking out in the field for
the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, “When you see all the
stars in the sky, what do you think, LT?”

The LT replies, “Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can’t help but wonder
if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do
you think of, Sergeant?”

“I think somebody stole the freakin’ tent.”